301.83 (F60.3): Excessively Introspective and Self-Conscious

Senior Project

2025

301.83 (F60.3): Excessively Introspective and Self-Conscious

“Rachel’s sense of self appears to be poorly established, although harsh self-criticism and severe self-doubt seem characteristic. Unsure of her identity and self-worth, she tends to be excessively introspective and self-conscious and sees herself as marked and negatively different from others. Requiring little of herself keeps her in a small and protective bubble from which she can keep ridicule and depreciation from others to a minimum.”

-Excerpt from psychiatric evaluation

This work critiques and challenges perceptions of Internet culture, particularly the toxic Internet culture of the early 2000s. 301.83 (F60.3): Excessively Introspective and Self-Conscious explores the harm perpetrated by the “selling suicide” movement of that era, when self-harm and suicidal ideas were not only normalized online but promoted as an aesthetic. Faceless online users told people seeking support they weren’t “depressed enough” unless they engaged in extreme behaviors. These spaces sold suffering to unsuspecting people through challenges, games, merchandise, and even “suicide kits.”

As a teenager, I became deeply involved in these online communities. The constant stream of anonymous online voices convinced me that my struggles were invalid; I wasn’t good enough, traumatized enough, or sick enough to deserve care. All the while, tragedy was aestheticized, turned into content, and stripped of its real-world consequences. My animated character grows up in a world full of glitches and toxicity. Through her journey, I process, confront, and begin to heal from those same experiences, drawing inspiration from the real online communities I once inhabited and the messages I received there. The events in the animation highlight me coming to terms with what I endured and recognizing that, despite what those online spaces told me: I am still here.

My relationship with the internet is complicated. It shaped my childhood in painful ways, yet I remain tethered to it. The internet didn’t create my depression or invent the lies and cruelty I encountered, but giving a self-loathing child unfiltered access to those spaces had devastating consequences. This work is both a warning and a survival story about the harm that comes with access, but also the resilience that follows. As we collectively confront what it means to live bound to technology, this project becomes my way of reclaiming my story of survival while reflecting on that shared struggle.